I am going to overhaul my behaviour and general demeanour, pehaps even my dress. I will then wait for people to start treating me with greater regard. Yes indeed, I am a grandfather. My poor daughter went into hospital on Monday and has been through all kinds of procedures, including an epidural and, finally, a C-section. Late last night - 18 days after his due date, and slap bang on his Dad's birthday - Bruce Robert was born, weighing 9.9 lbs. He sounds Scottish, but isn't. Perhaps a quarter at most. But... there are far worse things to be in this life. I shall toast his arrival with malt whisky. Then I shall buy a pipe, grow a beard, and think up some sage advice for the young feller.